Audition

By John Bishop

Directed by Lee Costello

Audition Dates:
Monday, April 15, 7:00pm - 9:00pm
Tuesday, April 16, 7:00pm - 9:00pm

Theatre Palisades Pierson Playhouse
941 Temescal Canyon Rd
Pacific Palisades, CA 90272
Map and Directions

Performance Dates:
May 24 - June 30, 2024
Fridays & Saturdays at 8:00pm, Sundays at 2:00pm
18 total performances

The creative team responsible for a recent Broadway flop (in which three chorus girls were murdered by the mysterious “Stage Door Slasher”) assemble for a backer’s audition of their new show at the Westchester estate of a wealthy “angel.” The house is replete with sliding panels, secret passageways, and a German maid who is apparently four different people — all of which figure diabolically in the comic mayhem which follows when the infamous “Slasher” makes his reappearance and strikes again — and again. As the composer, lyricist, actors, and director prepare their performance, and a blizzard cuts off any possible retreat, bodies start to drop in plain sight, knives spring out of nowhere, masked figures drag their victims behind swiveling bookcases, and accusing fingers point in all directions. However, and with no thanks to the bumbling police inspector who snowshoes in to investigate, the mystery is solved in the nick of time and the “Slasher” unmasked — but not before the audience has been treated to a sidesplitting good time and a generous serving of the author’s biting, satiric, and refreshingly irreverent wit.

Please bring a headshot & resume and be familiar with the sides below.

PDF Sides:
Helsa
Elsa & Kelly
O'Reilly
Nikki & Ken
Eddie
Marjorie
Roger
Bernice

Helsa Usually played by a female, but any small person who can convincingly play female is also invited to audition. 30's to 40's
A humorless German with a thick accent. Some physical comedy required.

The Figure Same size and build as Helsa. Non-speaking role, but requires physical comedy.

Elsa Von Grossenknutten All genders invited to audition, 50's to 70's
Grand Dame. Upper-class and clueless about the common man.

Michael Kelly Non-white Male, 40's to 50's
Straight shooter/no-nonsense detective. Posing as Elsa's chauffeur, he's here to catch the Stage Door Slasher.

Patrick O’Reilly Male, 40's to 50's
Ideally taller than Helsa. Must sing a bit. He’s an undercover Gestapo agent posing as an Irish tenor. Bad Irish accent with a German one popping through. Another humorless German. Requires physical comedy.

Ken De La Maize Male, 40's to 50's
Self-absorbed Hollywood director. Incessant name-dropper. He's quite pretentious about being an "artiste."

Nikki Crandall Female, 20's to 30's
An undercover Naval Intelligence Officer posing as a chorus girl. She's the female ingenue of the backers' audition. A straight-forward, able, and intelligent dame of the Preston Sturges variety. She puts on a corn-fed "aw shucks" persona to pass as a dancer, but it's not too far from the truth.

Eddie McCuen Male, 20's to 30's
A comedian who is quick with a punchline, even if it doesn't necessarily land. A Bob Hope type with a self-effacing sense of humor and matching cowardice. Doesn't expect to get the girl, but comes through in the end.

Marjorie Braverstock Female, 40's to 60's
Over-the-top Broadway producer. She's extravagant with her praise and descriptions. Loves everything and everyone involved in this backers' audition. Even Eddie.

Roger Hopewell Male, 40's to 60's
A tried and true Broadway composer, Roger never met a man he didn't like. He and Bernice Roth, the librettist, constantly trade jibes and have a genuine contempt for each other.

Bernice Roth Female, 40's to 60's
The librettist, she's an Eve Arden type with a flamboyant style of dress. Dry and sarcastic. She's seen it all. Her contempt for Roger is worn on her sleeve.


If you plan on auditioning, please take a moment to read Theatre Palisades' Statement of Standards.